A Powerful Way to Motivate Yourself: Meet Your Possible Selves
We are commonly advised to set goals for our lives, with specific tasks and strategies. I'd like to give you a shortcut, to share an exercise with you that is far more powerfully motivating than looking at a list.
Picture your life in the future, as you hope for it to be, the life you daydream about. What comes to mind? This is your hoped-for self.
Now picture your life in the future, as you fear it might become; the life you worry about, the worst-case scenario. What comes to mind? This is your feared-for self.
Researchers Hazel Markus and Paula Nurius introduced the theory of possible selves and proposed that it is the images of our possible selves that we hold in mind, that lead to lasting motivation and change, rather than lists of tasks and goals (Markus and Nurius, 1986).
Our personal tasks and goals originate from our images of our possible selves.
The possible selves we imagine we might become, are how we intuitively organize our thinking about the future. These possible selves in our minds also powerfully influence our decision-making. We move toward our hoped-for selves — "I hope to be a writer; I hope to live by the water; I hope to travel a lot" — and we work to avoid our feared-for selves: "I fear losing my home; I fear being alone in my old age; I fear getting skin cancer. "
Who will you be?
Long-term goals like your bucket list are based on your concept of possible selves, who you might become, who you want to become, and who you do not want to become. You behave certain ways today, because you are influenced by the images of who you might be, in the future. ("I want to be a doctor, so I'm studying now." "I don't want to be out of breath going up hills, so I'm exercising now.")
Want to feel motivated to make your life better?
Don't start by making a bucket list. Start by writing down two vivid descriptions. Write about a day in the life of your hoped-for self, and about a day in the life of your feared-for self. (Other names for this exercise: best day, worst day; heavenly day, hellacious day.)
Write down a description of a great day, the best day, for your future self: Where do you live? What sounds and smells are around you? What's the view outside your window? How does your body feel? Who is around you? What are the messages in your in-box about? ("I got the Nobel Prize AGAIN? Wow!") Do you have pets, do you have a garden, who are your neighbors, what's for dinner, what's the project you're working on? What are you excited and happy about?
Next, write down a description of a terrible day, the worst day, for your future self: Where do you live? What sounds and smells are around you? How does your body feel? Who is around you? What are you worrying about?
It doesn't have to be long -- just write down a paragraph or two. But make it vivid by including your senses: sights, sounds, smells. Put your imagination into describing a day in the life of each of those possible selves.
Then, for motivation, refer to these portraits of your future selves, your hoped-for self and your feared-for self, on a regular basis. The name of the game is to do things that will move you closer toward your hoped-for self, and further from your feared-for self.
I look at my best day and worst day write-ups before I make my quarterly plans. It is part of my personal framework. It's these descriptions that motivate me and energize me to keep in touch with people, and to get out and walk, things I am not so good at when I just rely on spontaneous willpower. These portraits of Happy Future Anna and Miserable Future Anna help me steer my course.
References
Markus, Hazel & Nurius, Paula. (1986). Possible Selves. American Psychologist. 41. 954-969. 10.1037/0003-066X.41.9.954. (PDF: Markus, Hazel, and Paula Nurius. Possible Selves. Stanford University, https://web.stanford.edu/~hazelm/publications/1986_Markus%20&%20Nurius_PossibleSelves.pdf. Accessed 14 June, 2021.)